Anne Chisholm attended informational sessions for parents whose children were going to be given a sex-education program for fifth-graders at two local schools, one public, one private. The instructors explained that the first thing they do in the program is to ask the kids to write down all the dirty words they know as, "this is a good way to get the kids involved."
The parents also participated in the dirty-word exercise so they could see for themselves what the program was going to be like. The instructors collected the lists and read some of the words aloud.
"Was I embarrassed?" Chisholm's voice rises suddenly and intensely after being asked this question. "OF COURSE I was, all the parents were. You could hear the self-conscious giggling of the other parents while we were writing," she said.
Another mother, the parent of a sixth-grader in a Catholic school, found Planned Parenthood brochures on sexually transmitted diseases while cleaning her child's book bag. "There weren't any photos, just horrible line drawings of monsters with spots on them," she said.
"It was graphic in its ugliness. It didn't say, 'you could get diseases so don't have sex.'The tone was, 'you're going to have sex anyway, so be safe.' It made sex look furtive and dirty, but exciting."
Is this typical of sex education programs throughout the Commonwealth? It all depends on where you live, according to Maureen Vacca of the Mass. Family Institute.
Because there is no mandated curriculum for sex education, there is a wide variation in what is taught in public schools. The curriculum is up to the discretion of the local school committee.
"Towns do what they want. The Mass. Health Frameworks are just guidelines," Vacca said.
"According to the Frameworks, if you teach sex education, you have to include abstinence instruction. But time spent on abstinence education may only be a fraction of the total course time." Abstinence may only be mentioned as a "method" in the context of pregnancy prevention.
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The Heritage Foundation's analysis of different approaches to sex education can be found in their report entitled, "Comprehensive Sex Education vs. Authentic Abstinence. A Study of Competing Curricula."
The authors identify two basic approaches, "the 'safe sex' approach, which encourages teens to use contraception, and traditional abstinence education, which focuses on delaying the onset of sexual activity,teaches the harm of casual sexual activity, and encourages students to view sexuality as part of a process of developing intimacy and lifelong commitment."
Also mentioned is a third, newer approach, "abstinence-plus," presented as the middle ground between safe sex and abstinence. The Foundation's research reveals that, "traditional abstinence and abstinence-plus curricula differ radically in their contents and messages."
Comprehensive sex education and the "attitude of inevitability
Evelyn Reilly, of the Mass. Family Institute and MCFL Board member, quotes pediatrician and author Meg Meeker's Doin' it Right: A Parent's Guide to Healthy Futures:
"Most popular television shows, most TV news and information broadcasts, and most major newspapers and magazines teach or imply that:
1) Teens will have sex no matter what
Reilly says this "attitude of inevitability" is being thrown at us, a cultural attitude that we can't do anything about destructive influences in our culture, the best we can do is to mitigate the effects of evil. Resistance is futile.
2) The best way to handle the topic is by telling teens about 'responsible decision-making' so you can teach your children how to avoid getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or getting pregnant.
"This kind of thinking assumes that sex is inevitable, so responsibility means how you will have sex, instead of whether you will have sex," says Reilly.
3) You should teach your teens how to use condoms.
"Kids are being taught that if you don't have sex, you're not normal. Kids will do what we expect them to do, when expectations are corrupted, then the kids get corrupted."
4) You should instruct your teenager about "responsible" ways to experiment sexually, short of actual intercourse.
"Within the context of marriage, sexual intimacy bonds husband and wife together for their own good and the good of their children. Sexual activity outside the context of marriage, has led to broken lives, broken hearts and broken dreams."
How parents can assess their schools' program
One teacher was giving a presentation on fetal development for a class of seventh graders. After the presentation was over, a parent objected complaining that now she would have to explain intercourse to her daughter. The daughter, who was nearby piped up, "Oh mom, we learned that last week in health class."
Linda Thayer, a retired Boston Public School science teacher and pro-life educator says, "what happens is, a parent gets a generic, benign letter from the school telling them that their child is getting sex ed. It sounds vague and not too bad. Parents trust teachers."
Thayer says there are four main questions that parents can ask to assess the program in their child's school.
1) What's being taught on premarital sex, abortion, contraception and homosexual behavior?
2) What book are they using? Ask to see it.
3) What guest speakers are invited and what organizations do they represent?
4) What audio-visual materials are you using? Ask to see them.
Brian Camenker, of Mass Resistance, says that a parent can find out if Planned Parenthood or a similar group is active in their school district by noting the use of buzz words such as "safe sex," "safer-sex," "reality-based" as well as comprehensive. "Those are the terms the PP uses in their programs and materials," he said.
The parent as enemy
Anne Fox, mother of six and MCFL President, sat in ahead of time on sex education classes in which her children were scheduled to participate.
"The basic message seems to be that 'there's something really good going on and your parents' don't want you to know about it.' Phrasing the issue as 'parents aren't comfortable talking about it' implies that the sex educators are comfortable, they're the real experts, and the parents are clueless."
Brian Camenker notes an "insufficient paranoia" among parents in regards to what's going on in the public schools. "The people who are teaching these classes really believe that kids ought to be having sex. Their materials are meant to psychologically prepare kids for this by breaking down their natural reticence." (Referring to the dirty-word exercise.)
Brian's son was told that the only types of parents who insist on sitting in on a sex ed class were "religious fanatics."
Another Heritage Foundation report: Teen Sex: The Parent Factor by Christine Kim, says that "parental influence is linked to reduced teen sexual activity. Teens say that their parents have the most influence on their decision to have sex. Two-thirds of the teens surveyed share their parents' values on this topic."
Talking to school officials
Linda Thayer recommends that like-minded parents network and go to visit teachers or administrators in small groups. "Go through the proper channels, talk to the health teacher, then the principal. Keep requests factual, say, 'I want to see what's in the books, in the DVD's, etc.' "
Maureen Vacca advocates finding out who's teaching the course and what that teachers' values are, "I would make it my business to know the teacher." Vacca says that parents can learn a lot about their school's culture by volunteering in the school itself. "Listen to the tone of discussion in the building, is it one of mutual respect between teachers and students?"
Unfortunately, not all school administrators will be accommodating in handling parents' requests for information. Parents relate that some school administrators dismiss parental concerns or overtly hostile.
Parents report being told: "No one has complained," "What bothers you?" Requests to see class materials can be endlessly delayed or avoided, scheduled meetings can be suddenly canceled, forcing the parent to waste time and energy into rescheduling. Parents also fear retaliation towards themselves or their child through classroom humiliation or lowered grades.
Ryan Boehm also thinks parents may be reluctant to come forward for another reason. "Most parents aren't activists," they may disagree with the school's program, but also think they are alone with their concerns. Kids aren't the only ones who are sold the message that 'everyone's doing it except you.'
Health Frameworks Curriculum
Maureen Vacca think that just opposing the proposed Health Curriculum Frameworks isn't enough because "it's going to passed one of these days."
Writing and presenting an alternative should focus on correcting:
1) Age inappropriate instruction
(See article: When You Send Your Child to Public School: Are You Still the Parent? by Linda Thayer for specifics.)
2)How homosexuality is taught
Children don't need to know the mechanics of homosexual behavior in order to treat human beings with dignity.
3) How to get around your parents
Says Vacca, "Planned Parenthood has no business writing curriculum. Their slant, that tells kids 'everyone agrees with us, it's only your parents who are the exception,' needs to be edited out of the Frameworks."
Asked how can we get people to snap out of the "attitude of inevitability?" Evelyn Reilly responds, "People need to realize that nothing is inevitable. It's propaganda designed to weaken resistance. Be aware of what's going on. Elect people into office who will support parents. There are plenty of good people in the schools, but there are also plenty of controlling ones who don't have the best interest of your kid at heart."
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