From Answers in a time of Miscarriage by Bethany Kerr
Answers in a time of Miscarriage, Written by Bethany Kerr
Fewer people know and appreciate the humanity of the unborn than a mother who has lost their unborn child by miscarriage. Misunderstood and medically elusive, many miscarriages occur with little to no warning and often for unexplained reasons. The grieving mother is met with a culture, society and partner who are often unsupportive, caustic or flip.
Anywhere from 10-25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage, according to the American Pregnancy Association. As more women have children later in life, as well, the risks for miscarriage increases.
Miscarriage brings on a range of emotions, from confusion, doubt, fear, anxiety and guilt. It's a silent burden that many women shoulder on their own, and those women have difficulty in seeking out the reassuring words needed from others.
Bethany Kerr has written "Answers in a Time of Miscarriage" to help women understand what has happened to them after a lost pregnancy, and to help those supporting a woman who has miscarried understand what is going on.
The 214 page book from Silver Trumpet Publishing, is written in a question and answer format dealing with topics as broad as "How will I ever tell people?" to "When can we start trying again?" The book deals with normal, natural questions from the point at which a woman suspects a miscarriage, "Is Spotting Normal During Pregnancy?" to the many considerations after the loss, such as "How do I tell the Children?"
This is a tough, uncomfortable topic for many. It deals with the loss of a loved one, the feeling of lost potential, of the confusion of human biology and the impossibility of knowing what 'caused' the miscarriage. The natural variation between women where some easily get pregnant and have easy births, while others have such difficulties getting pregnant and then have such difficulties carrying the baby, lead to normal, natural doubts, frustrations, fears and sadness.
What Kerr focuses on, and what is good about this book, is that it's oriented around the solutions and not dwelling on the loss. The baby who is lost through this sad situation was a blessing to enter any life, and the importance of their short life can be properly and appropriately remembered. Kerr recommends that women name their children, and don't try to hide their sadness or push down and rationalize away their grief. She also notes the mindset of men is often to ignore their emotions and not talk about difficult things, which can lead to tension.